City Search

By Dianne Bayley

Last year was epic for me, with regards to travelling overseas for pleasure. A trip from Joburg to Cancun via Atlanta; another to Toronto via Washington DC; then another to Toronto via New York; and finally a Christmas trip to Toronto via JFK, then Cancun, then Toronto and home again.

Besides the fact that good fun was had by all - and I know a lot more about airport security than I ever thought I would (yes, the belt WILL cause the machine to bing and they WILL look at you like you are a human-trafficker) - I flew three different airlines . . . and our very own SAA came out tops. No, really - the flight to Atlanta served it’s first round of drinks over an hour into the flight, without any turbulance or conditions that would prevent the crew from serving drinks. SAA, on the other hand, had served both drinks and dinner an hour into the flight, and was gently encouraging all of us to sleep!

From booking my flights (I either use the website, which is extremely user-friendly, or an e-mail to SAA’s reservations department in Johannesburg) right through to the greeting you get from the crew when boarding, SAA is streets ahead of the other airlines I flew. Take the flight to Cancun, for example . . . we paid an extra $160.00 (yup, that’s DOLLARS) for two seats with extra leg room. On SAA, I asked for a specific seat, which also has extra leg room, and got it at no extra cost.

Coming back from Cancun, we had a revolting little family sitting behind our Extra Cost seats, kicking them. After giving them “the look” and then asking the parents to have their kids behave, the mother started kicking the seats and the father decided to sing nursery rhymes very loudly - even though he couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket - to interrupt us as we watched videos with headphones on our own laptop! We spoke to a crew member, who sheepishly approached Mr and Mrs Revolting, whereupon Mrs Revolting threw her kid under the bus by blaming the little one for all the kicking! Nice.

For comparison purposes, a scenario with kids on SAA was handled beautifully by a cabin crew member, who probably had children of her own. A little boy was screaming loudly (starting in the airport lounge and continuing way past dinner on the plane). His mom was pointedly ignoring him. The stewardess went over and gently spoke to the toddler. “What’s the matter, my boy? We can’t be crying like this. Other people are sleeping!” She picked him up and placed him gently on his mom’s lap, and we never heard another peep out of him. Not sure if that’s a “sue-able offence” in North America, but it certainly works in Africa.

Whereas the airline that took me to Atlanta served food my neighbour’s dog, Vacuumcleaner, would refuse, the food on SAA is pretty bloody good. And there’s plenty of it. I believe I put on more kilos just from the dinner, snacks, snacks, breakfast and snacks served on SAA than I did at the all-inclusive, five star (and mega fabulous) resort in Mexico. There are no snotty comments - or even “looks” - when you ask for water or any other beverage in the middle of the night, and the cabin crew are ultra friendly and professional.

SAA is the only airline right now that offers a non-stop, direct flight from Johannesburg to New York (see the aircraft here). The last one took us 16 hours to get there and only just over 14 hours to get back. That’s bloody brilliant for those of us who can’t be doing too many landings and taking offs on any given trip. Besides the fact that I would pay extra - MASSIVELY - to be able to smoke, I have a wish I know is going to make me REALLY unpopular with people who think we all believe their children are as cute as they do. One, just ONE “no children” trans-continental flight . . .

Seriously . . . there are no sleeping pills can detract from kids who are kicking your seat; screaming for mothers to pick them up, or - in the case of a friend who flew to London recently - throwing metal toys that cut your hand open to the point that it requires medical treatment. (As she said, “I’m not allowed to take a pair of tweezers on board, but kids can bring sharp metal toys??”) Babies are different and yes, I know it’s a long flight . . . but “being bored” and “being a horrid little monster” are two different things. The latter offers parents a perfect opportunity to teach “consideration” - and not take the opportunity to behave like children, in front of their children, by kicking seats and singing loudly and tunelessly.

Besides the noise factor, on both the Cancun flight and the SAA flight, parents appeared unable to contain their mess either. On SAA, a trolley comes around several times during the flight to collect trash. The lovely young couple in the row next to me, with the small, cute and quiet baby, left enough trash on the floor of the aircraft to excite a rabid recycler. Maybe having children makes it difficult to lean across and hand the trash to the crew member charged with collecting it? Oy, people - do you live like this at home?

I’m about to book another trip to Toronto and thought maybe I’d like to avoid going through US customs and security again. I looked at every possible alternative for the same price (or cheaper) than the SAA flight and found a few that came in less expensively. However, I really don’t want to spend seven to nine hours hanging around a Middle Eastern airport (nice as it may be) or even Schiphol in Amsterdam, which everyone knows is the best airport on the planet. So . . . it’s SAA again. Direct to New York, and a hop, skip and jump over to Toronto.

*For the purposes of transparency, Dianne Bayley is not - nor has she ever been - paid by SAA to write nice things about it. Or horrible things about some of the parents who use the airline. Also, no children were harmed in the +- 192 hours of travel time Dianne spent last year; though this was only because, even in her late forties, her father would deal sternly with any bad behaviour on her part.